I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
