i need an iv and a liver transplant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Congratulations! We have a period
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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