somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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