I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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