please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
