I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
