I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
