we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
