Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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