I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
