i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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