her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
