Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
