Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
