you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
