we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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