Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No subtext here. People are naked.
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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