Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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