just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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