Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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