And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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