Sry I called you an 8
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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