I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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