the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
