she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
