Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
