i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
