Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
