just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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