its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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