Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
