Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
