This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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