if only i could text you this smell
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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