so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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