my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
