I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
