I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You are the jesus of drinking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
