I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
