Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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