mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So many bounce houses so little time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
