sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
