I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
