I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
