alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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