Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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