Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
