you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
