What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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