that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
