My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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