someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
