We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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