I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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