i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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