I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's rum buckets o'clock
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
