why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
