Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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