at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
