after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
