i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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