i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
