i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
