that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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