White coat. Heels.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
