Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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