Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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