what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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