i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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