i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
