Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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