3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
