we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
