Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
