the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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